Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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