i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
