If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
