I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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