Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
