Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A+ Viking dick
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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