I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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