life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
