i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
