thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
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Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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