I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
