So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
