im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
