DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
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We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!