Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.