My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!