smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.