You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
