i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
