yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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