Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
