i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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