The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
