The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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