Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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