You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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