my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize