White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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