i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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