just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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