Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dick very happy bro
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
