Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize