In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
