I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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