If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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