Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
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Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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