Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
