Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
