If i come over, it means nothing
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
