All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
