remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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