Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
