We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
