Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
