babies were throwing up all over the place
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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