I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize