You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
