break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
