It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
