we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
