my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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