dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
