This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
