i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
