you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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