pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
