I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
