Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
