I heard we made out
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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