do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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