my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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