I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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