She's JV to your varsity
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
