Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
