I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just found puke in my bra..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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