hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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