I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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