Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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