You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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